New Blog

I have moved my blog to a new address. I would be so happy if you would visit me here!

Sara

Dilemma

Here I am again. Stuck between two options. Forced to make a decision.

Funny how I always seem to be able to put myself in this situation.

Awake late a night. Trying not to think. But obviously doing nothing else but thinking.

Resting

Last Friday:

I heard the news that EU’s first president had been named. But hadn’t Ireland voted no to the Lisbon treaty? Or how was it really? Suddenly I couldn’t recall.

The battery on the laptop was running low. My boyfriend handed me the cable. I searched and searched all around the laptop but I just couldn’t find the plug. I had to give up. My boyfriend inserted the power supply to the laptop that I have used every day for three years.

I found some strength. I walked up to the fridge and took out a yoghurt.  Later my boyfriend complained that I forgot to put back the meet sauce and the ham that I had removed while getting the yoghurt. No memories of that.

I am now intending to spend as many days as it takes for my head and body to get back on track again.

And this is how I will do that.

When my body said no

Every night I have been lying awake listening to the rain. I have been thinking to myself that if this doesn’t stop we will be swimming to work. Now Ireland is experiencing the worst flooding in 60 years.

Every morning I have been doing the umbrella dance on my way to the commuter train. Fighting against the wind, desperately trying to keep the umbrella straight.

During the days I have been struggling to reach the end of year targets in work, and during the evenings and the weekends I have studied towards my exams. I have only had one day off in November. It was a Saturday and I slept most of the day.

On Thursday at 8.45 pm, in the middle of a mock exam, my body eventually said no. I grabbed a taxi outside the college and I have not left my apartment since.

Deep down I knew that my body would eventually give up. But I guess that I just did not know when, so I thought that I continue as long as it lasts. Now I know that it is true what they say. The body will eventually say no.

Observations on a bus

This evening on the bus I found myself carefully watching a Romany family. Probably on their way to a party. Strange that it is so interesting to watch a group of people from a different culture.  We could not really be that different. Still I always find myself observing.

A girl that was waiting to get off at a stop had managed to misplace her scarf inside her jacket. It was sticking out below her jacket on her back side. Looking like a tail. It looked a bit funny. A boy walked up behind her. He was going to get off at the same stop. Also he had something long looking like a tail hanging out from below his jacket. Something longer and thinner. Probably a belt. For a few seconds I was considering if this could be a coincidence or if there was something that I had missed. Maybe today is the official tail day? Or maybe it is to do with some sort of charity? Like the moustache thing. During the same time I also calculated how many times the girl talking on the mobile phone said ‘Do you know what I mean?’. It was nine times in total between three stops.

When I got off the bus and walked up the road that leads to our house I immediately noticed that someone had swept up the leaves that have been covering the pavement. Oh well, I was thinking, that is the official sign of that the autumn is over and that the winter has begun.

I walked inside. Feeling happy that our heating is working again and that I could take off my magic knickers after a long day in college.

Robot mood and Anxiety mood

My head is spinning and my body is aching. Symptoms of that I’m entering a new exam period. In periods like this I’m shifting between two moods. The robot mood and the anxiety mood. When I’m in the robot mood I’m not really happy and not really sad. I just keep on going and I don’t care if the apartment is a mess or if I miss my favourite TV show. But when I’m in the anxiety mood I nearly have a mental breakdown in the morning when I realise that I haven’t had the chance to iron my clothes or that the bread is turning green. I find myself shifting between these two moods. Luckily, my exams will be over in a couple of weeks. Probably there will not be many posts from me during this time.

Alarming during this exam period though is that I have started to buy a little bit of chocolate each day. I understand that this change of behaviour will not cause me any harm, but what scares me is that this is not in line with my personality. I’m usually the over healthy person that you hate. A real chocolate police. I’m even so annoying that I don’t let go in stressful periods. But this time I just cannot control myself.

A red day

There is no colour like red. The dress is vintage and the belt is my mum’s from the 80’s.

Not too scary stuff….

Conversation in the taxi, with me dressed as a pirate, on my way to my first Halloween party in Dublin:
Taxi driver: Fancy Dress ?
Me: Thanks
Taxi driver laughing
Me confused

Fancy dress parties (as I have learnt that it is called in the English language) for Halloween has turned into a bit of a tradition for me since I moved to Dublin. I am a therefore a little bit disappointed that I don’t have any time to go out for Halloween this year, and I certainly don’t have any time left over to put together a costume. And that is probably the most fun part. Maybe next year again.

Two years ago I went as Sandy…

and last year as Hilda.

3 years ago today

I was not a complete person when we first met. I did not think that I was good enough for anything and I could therefore not understand how and why you seemed to love me so much. But with your help and help from other people I slowly started to grow within. Piece by piece. But suddenly I got scared of that, perhaps, you would not like the new more confident me. But you just smiled and said that you were happy to see me feeling so much better.

The last piece of Autumn

Yesterday was one of those days when I just could not cope with studying. As much as I like it, I just needed to get my ass off the chair and my eyes away from the books.

We went for lunch in one of Dublin’ s best places, Andersons.

Then on to the Botanic Gardens where we tried to squeeze out the last we could of the autumn.

I like to photograph my shoes.

And my boyfriend thinks that is funny.

The day ended with a giant crepe. Well I had decided from the start that it always would.